Well, shit. Despite the passage of time over the last 6 years, as well as a lot of therapy, I find myself sitting at a table in public with tears streaming down my face. And not just anywhere in public; at a preschool event called “Mom’s Tea.” They have already cleared the tables from brunch, so there is not a napkin in sight, and I can’t get the tears to quit flowing. I am a psychologist, I have no problem with emotions and know that they need to be felt, however, this is no

If you are going through a break-up or divorce, then you are already dealing with enough and the last thing you probably need is an increase in vivid dreams or nightmares. However, that is a common thing to experience during times of major transition. The dreams can feel like unwelcome intruders, especially if you are already struggling with other sleep issues too. While this experience is unwelcome and can feel like another burden to deal with during an already difficult t

We all grow up hearing these things: “Relationships take work.” “No relationship is perfect.” “Every relationship has its problems.” And these are all true….to a degree, and that is the part that I think isn’t talked about enough. Relationships do take work, but what if one person is working way harder than the other person and that isn’t changing? No relationship is perfect, but what are the things you tolerate as problems versus the things that are dealbreakers? Every rel

There are two different ends of the continuum when it comes to this, or you might find yourself someone in the middle and not sure. One end is the “burn it all!” end. This involves a feeling of wanting to purge everything, to take all of the photos, ticket stubs, and anything else you can find and to watch it burn in a fire pit. The other end involves keeping every single little thing, looking at pictures all the time, and feeling stuck in what once was. It is normal to have

“You’re so strong.” “I don’t know how you do it.” “You’re so good at bouncing back.” “I know you’ll figure this out.” “You are so pro-active.” “You have so much self-control.” “You are so resilient.” These statements can all be true AND being resilient over and over again can also be incredibly exhausting. I think that is the side of resilience that is often not seen or talked about. People mean well when they are encouraging and they see and speak to your strength. But there

I never viewed divorce as a “bad” thing. Is it a painful experience for anyone to go through? Yes, but I didn’t judge anyone for it. Relationships are complicated and sometimes they just don’t work anymore; there are a million reasons why it can turn out that way. When I was 17 years old and my parents finally got divorced, I felt relieved and wished it would have happened years before. When it came to my own marriage ending though, I did judge myself. When I got married, I e

Most of you have probably heard the term “toxic positivity.” It has become a frequently used term in pop culture in recent years. Toxic positivity refers to the idea that ONLY positive thoughts and emotions are allowed to exist. It gets at this idea that it is only acceptable to see the glass as half full and to shift quickly into finding the positive about everything. Toxic positivity leads to a lack of tolerance for emotions like sadness, defeat, discouragement, anger, sham

There are many parts to the end of a romantic relationship that are out of your control. You can’t control the other person’s actions or feelings. You might not have been the one to choose how the relationship ended. You can make a choice about moving on with intention though, and doing this requires taking some time for reflection. Reflection on the past: Think about (and ideally, write out) what happened in your past relationships. Start with what characteristics drew you

Most women report that their baseline in life is to feel “at capacity” already with all of the tasks that they are juggling. Now, let’s throw in the holiday season and all of the “extras” that come with that. The baseline can become feeling completely overwhelmed on a daily basis. For an extra dose of fun, let’s also add in going through a break-up or divorce at this time of year… Now you might just feel like you are in survival mode. Some of that can’t be changed, but let’s

Self-care. We hear this everywhere nowadays. It is a term that encompasses anything that helps you to refill yourself or to decompress. That varies tremendously from one person to another. One important note about self-care: Pay attention to whether or not it actually is positive in your life. Sometimes, a person might think something is engaging in self-care, like drinking alcohol to unwind, or scrolling on their phone for several hours at a time, or binge-watching 8 hours o

Let’s start with a little history lesson. There used to be a diagnosis called Seasonal Affective Disorder that described depression that worsened during certain times of the year. That was eventually changed and no longer a stand-alone diagnosis. Instead, the descriptor “with a seasonal component” can be added to many of the mood disorders. Keep in mind that it isn’t just depression that can feel worse at certain times of year, anxiety can also be impacted. Additionally, the

The second part of this series focuses on the unanswered questions. These questions can feel like they inhibit closure and are impossible to ever really answer. How are we supposed to get closure on questions we will never have the answers to? There are a couple of approaches to this. Let’s start with the common questions that can be hard to get answers to. Here are some examples: Why didn’t he/she listen to me when I said I would eventually leave if this didn’t change? Why w

I think that we somehow all get the message while growing up that other people are supposed to help give us closure. That having a...

As a psychologist, I am trained in how to think about the triangle that includes emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Of these three...

I’m a pretty private person. While I am open with the people closest to me, I am an introvert, shy and tend to be pretty conservative...

Learn how to manage intrusive thoughts and images after discovering infidelity.

Here are some of the most common feelings people experience after finding out their partner cheated.