Removing Barriers to Self-Care

Self-care. We hear this everywhere nowadays. It is a term that encompasses anything that helps you to refill yourself or to decompress. That varies tremendously from one person to another. One important note about self-care: Pay attention to whether or not it actually is positive in your life. Sometimes, a person might think something is engaging in self-care, like drinking alcohol to unwind, or scrolling on their phone for several hours at a time, or binge-watching 8 hours of tv in a row, but the reality is that this has actually been more draining or negatively impacted sleep. So, the kind of self-care that I am talking about in this article is the kind that does something to either refill you or help you decompress and is not followed by negative impacts.

The irony about self-care is that it can be hardest to access during the times when we need it the most. The end of a romantic relationship can feel like utter, destabilizing chaos. The temptation can be to just curl up in the fetal position. However, this is also a time when increased self-care is so important. I am a realist though, and don’t want adding in more self-care to feel like another burden or a place where you become self-critical if you aren’t doing it. So, what we are going to focus on today are things that I call “sneaky self-care.” These are smaller things that can be added in the easiest ways possible.

Removing Barriers to Self-Care, Rain Into Rainbows LLC

The first step for adding in sneaky self-care is to identify the small things that you would like to be doing. What sounds appealing to you that would either help you decompress or refill you? During this stage of brainstorming, don’t worry about how you will fit in these things. Just let your mind come up with ideas. Step two is to think about the barriers you would face in trying to incorporate your ideas. What will the challenges be? What things are most likely to get in the way? The last step is to get creative about how you might blend existing things that are already part of your life now. What is already a part of your daily routine where you can sneak in some additional self-care? Get creative about things you can blend. Next, I am going to go through a lot of examples to help get you thinking, and will also share some examples from my own life.

Taking a shower is already part of your routine, so why not sneak in some self-care by lighting a candle, turning on some music, and throwing in a shower bomb? Do a deep conditioning treatment on your hair while you are in there or an exfoliating treatment on your skin. Turn a mundane shower into something that feels more special. Have you had the goal of trying to fit in some stretching into your daily routine, but seem to never get around to doing it? Why not do it while you are in the shower? Yup, that might sound weird, but I said it. I spent years telling myself I was going to start stretching before bed every night, but never actually doing it. Then one night, I just decided to do some stretching in the shower and bam, a new habit was born.

You likely have to be in your car at some point to get somewhere- this is another opportunity to sneak in some self-care. Listen to a customized playlist you have created or an audio book or podcast. Call a friend and catch up during your drive. Post some sticky notes in your car with inspirational quotes so that you see them each time you get in or out of your car. I used to keep a mini journal in my center console and every day when I arrived in the parking lot at work, I would take 2 minutes to pull it out and write down one thing I was grateful for, one pleasant moment that had happened recently, and one small thing I was looking forward to.

Let’s keep going. Do you have a book you have meaning to get around to forever? Sneak that in as an audio book while cooking dinner, getting ready in the bathroom, or on your lunch break. Have you been wanting to develop a new hobby or plan a trip, but don’t have the time for it right now? That’s okay, sneak in some researching on your phone when you are stuck in a waiting room or have arrived somewhere early. Look up information about the trip location or hobby and take screenshots that you can refer back to one day when you actually have time to take this on. It might give you something to feel excited about right now though.

Come up with ways to remove the barriers you thought of earlier. Especially during already hard and overwhelming times, we want to remove as many barriers as possible and make this stuff easy. Personally, I know that going to the gym really helps both to refill me and to allow me to decompress. However, sometimes just changing into my gym clothes is a barrier. It feels like one extra decision I have to make at the end of a work day when I have decision fatigue. So instead, when I have the most energy, which is right after getting home from the gym, I re-pack my gym bag and put it back in my car. That way, I have removed the barrier of having to do this during the time when I need it the most, but am least likely to do it. On the days when I am doing telehealth from home, I must confess that I don’t always match…. Truly, I look kind of crazy sometimes. I might have on comfy, casual pants paired with a nice blouse and jewelry. Professional on top and party on the bottom. Screw it though- I leave for the gym looking like that! I am just going to be walking to and from my car and through the lobby of the gym. Who cares? I will get to the locker room and then change into whatever I had already packed in my gym bag. Sometimes the barriers we have to get past are mental. If I set expectations for myself that I never left the house unless I was perfectly put together, then I would make it to the gym a lot less often. Find ways to meet yourself where you are and to remove both mental and physical barriers.

Don’t rely on more self-discipline to get you around the barriers. Assume that you will feel overwhelmed, have decision fatigue, or low motivation. Come up with creative ways to address the barriers with these assumptions in place. And then give yourself a victory point every time you fit in some sneaky self-care!