Reflection as a Tool for Moving Forward with Intentionality

There are many parts to the end of a romantic relationship that are out of your control. You can’t control the other person’s actions or feelings. You might not have been the one to choose how the relationship ended. You can make a choice about moving on with intention though, and doing this requires taking some time for reflection.

Reflection on the past: Think about (and ideally, write out) what happened in your past relationships. Start with what characteristics drew you to the person, what you liked and didn't like about the relationship, what you wished you had handled differently, and how the relationship ended. Look for patterns and emphasize the things you feel like you have learned. Based on what you discover, create a list of reminders for future relationships. This can include characteristics you want in a partner, ways that you want to handle things in the future, etc. Look for and note any repeated patterns. Do you have a tendency to pick partners who are emotionally immature? Do you have a pattern where you have stayed too long in past relationships? Try to identify any commonalities in your patterns so that you can be more aware of taking a different path in future dating experiences.

Reflection as a Tool for Moving Forward with Intentionality, Rain Into Rainbows LLC

Reflection on the present: Do a current life assessment by making a series of lists. Write a list of things you currently like in your life, as well as things you don't like or feel unsatisfied with. Look at the list of things that feel good in your life and see if there are any items that you want to try and make even more time for. Next, look at the list of things that you are unsatisfied with in your current life, and see if you can brainstorm any possible solutions that would make certain parts feel a little better. Note any items on the list that are temporary as a way of reminding yourself that these will end eventually. Research has also shown that sometimes just making a list of all of the stresses and things you are carrying in life and seeing it on paper can feel validating and is healthier than holding it all in.

Reflection on the future: Spend some time thinking about what you want this next year to look like. We often tend to be very growth and goal oriented when thinking about the future, but don’t forget to include time for healing. Add in some goals that allow space for processing and integrating what you have been through. Create a paper or digital vision board that can help remind you of what you want in the future that you are now creating. Give yourself credit for things you are already doing in your life that you want to maintain and be sure to include those in the picture you are building.

Take some time to do one or all of these ideas and then pat yourself on the back for moving forward in your life with intentionality. Interesting side note- I have created a collage of my goals for the next year for a long time now. Since being single, I notice that I end up actually accomplishing way more of those goals now than I did when I was in a relationship. For me, that had to do with over-functioning in my past relationships and pouring too much energy into someone else. It has been fulfilling to see how much I am capable of now that I have more energy and peace in my life.