Vulnerability When You Least Expect It

Well, shit. Despite the passage of time over the last 6 years, as well as a lot of therapy, I find myself sitting at a table in public with tears streaming down my face. And not just anywhere in public; at a preschool event called “Mom’s Tea.” They have already cleared the tables from brunch, so there is not a napkin in sight, and I can’t get the tears to quit flowing. I am a psychologist, I have no problem with emotions and know that they need to be felt, however, this is not the time or place I would choose.

I have been to this event twice in the past, when my older niece attended this preschool. It is generally lighthearted and everyone laughs while the preschool teachers read out what the kids have said during interviews about their moms. This is followed by a guest speaker who talks about the trials of motherhood. And that’s the part that went sideways this year. The woman who is speaking has been sharing about what it was like to navigate some trials as a mother, but then her talk took a turn into unexpected territory and she started speaking about what it was like to find out about layers of betrayal from her husband. Suddenly, I found myself transported back to my own experience of that, and I wasn’t ready for it. My internal defense mechanisms weren’t high enough in that moment. And bam, the tears started flowing. I ended up going to the bathroom and then took a brief walk outside to ground myself. I went from laughing with my family and feeling lighthearted on a Saturday morning, to 15 minutes later, crying and feeling raw and vulnerable.

Vulnerability When You Least Expect It, Rain Into Rainbows LLC

When you have experienced something traumatic, it can come knocking on the door of your emotions at times when you least expect it. Even many years later, there is still going to be a raw and vulnerable part of you that sometimes gets pushed on and makes itself known even if you try to suppress it. There are moments like this that you can see coming and can prepare for, and then there are the ones that catch you totally off guard. Those are the hardest. When those moments happen, have compassion for yourself and if you can, do something that grounds you. Grounding using your 5 senses is a quick way to calm down. I still felt too shaky after going to the bathroom, so I walked outside the preschool. I paid attention to the crisp air and the contrast of the sun on my face. It had snowed the day before but was a sunny morning now. I walked under some trees and noticed how the sunlight looked as it peeked through the branches. I took in the sounds of traffic on a nearby road. I took some deep breaths and once I felt more pulled together, I returned to the school.

It is likely that you will or may have already experienced a moment like this. You are not alone. If you feel self-conscious, remind yourself that most people are caught up in what they are doing and may not have even noticed. If they do notice, most of them will have had a moment when something unexpectedly triggered them too. If you choose to share what is happening for you, feel free to let yourself do that, but it is also okay to say nothing at all or to simply say something vague like, “Well, I didn’t expect that to hit me the way it did,” and then to change the subject. Most people will be able to read between the lines and will help to shift the subject and attention away from you.

When this happens, it doesn’t mean that you haven’t healed as much as you thought. It doesn’t mean that you have gone backwards. It simply means that you are human and that life is full of random moments, some of which might poke at a painful scar that you carry inside. It is okay. It is just another moment moving you forward.