Trusting Yourself Doesn’t Always Feel Good in the Moment

Trust yourself. Yes, that is a worthy goal, but.... what does that actually mean and how do you do it? There are several components to this concept and we will explore each in more detail below. The first component is even knowing how to accurately identify what you are feeling in the first place. The second step is then translating those feelings into behavior. The final piece can sometimes be the hardest part, and that is continuing on despite the fact that what you landed on might not always feel good. I think there is this myth that just trusting yourself is going to feel great and empowering, when sometimes, the truth is that following through with trusting yourself can feel scary and painful. For example, what if trusting yourself means questioning someone else and setting boundaries with them that they may not like? How about when trusting yourself might lead to leaving a relationship despite the circumstances not being black and white? 

Identify What You Are Feeling:

In order to ultimately trust yourself, first you have to be able to identify what you are feeling. Sometimes this starts with a gut feeling; something feels good, bad, or maybe just "off" and you can't quite put your finger on why. Other times, the feelings might be much stronger and you can connect the dots, but maybe someone else is trying to confuse you or is saying things that cause you to doubt yourself. There are also moments when you clearly know what you are feeling and why, but the hesitancy or self-doubt might come from worrying about what those feelings will lead to regarding next steps. 

Two ways of clarifying what you are feeling are journaling and/or talking it out with someone you trust. Both of these tools serve the same purpose: to get the feeling out of your head and "in front of you" so that you can better understand it. As you start writing about or talking out something, it often starts to become clearer. You take fragments of feelings or thoughts that were bouncing around in your head and you start to create a narrative around them. One sentence leads to the next and the dots start to connect. With each round of journaling, you start to untangle the knot of feelings and to gain more clarity. As you talk the situation out with someone you trust, you also can check on their interpretation. It is hard to make decisions about feelings if they don't seem very clear, so start by writing or talking it out to try and gain that clarity around what you are feeling.

Translating Your Feelings Into Behavior:

Once you are more clear on what you are feeling and why, it is time to start trusting that those feelings are there for a reason and are telling you something important. Now, for the harder part: What are those feelings telling you to do? Sometimes, the answer might be more passive. Maybe the feelings are just telling you to take note of something and to continue observing a situation. Alternatively, maybe the feelings are telling you to do something very hard, like have a really difficult conversation with someone, set a boundary that might not be received well, or even to end a relationship. 

Trusting Yourself Doesn’t Always Feel Good in the Moment, Rain Into Rainbows LLC

Trusting Yourself Even When it Doesn't Feel Good:

This is a critical point in the process of trusting yourself even when it doesn't feel good. Don't misinterpret the fact that it feels bad, scary, or anxiety provoking to mean that your feelings or the action steps you have decided on are wrong. Trusting yourself  and moving forward on that can be really hard, but that doesn't mean that your feelings are wrong. Often times, it just means that things might feel harder before they start to feel better. Imagine that you are on a mountain hike and in front of you is a boulder field. You know it is going to be difficult to navigate that boulder field, but you also have faith that beyond that is a gorgeous and peaceful mountain lake. You can ignore what your gut has been trying to tell you and stay on the other side of that boulder field forever, or you can trust the process, move forward and go discover what could be even better on the other side.